Saw this on a friend's facebook--read first.
http://adultingblog.com/post/20260016876
I am definitely guilty sometimes of the "round-about request" or the "subtle, hidden request." I think, like the author, that it stems from growing up in the south, and the (ancient) idea that women should be polite, gentle, and non-invasive. Here is an example:
Me:(I really want Mexican) "Where do you want to go to dinner?"
Friend: "I dont know, what are you in the mood for?"
Me: "Well..."(Mexican)"... anything really...."
Friend: "Like, Italian, Mexican, American?"
Me: (I want Mexican). "I mean, I could definitely go for Mexican, but if you would rather do something else, that's fine, too."
Friend: "Ok, let's do that then."
Me: (YES!) "Are you sure?"
Friend: "Ok, cool."
Me: "Yeah, sounds good."
Why couldn't I have just said, "Im in the mood for Mexican food, want to get that?" instead of this silly conversation?? It is even worse over text messaging. Getting to that conclusion can easily take 10 minutes. Why do we, especially women, think we cant, or shouldn't, say what we mean from the beginning? I know that getting to the point is appreciated by men and women alike, not to mention bosses, coworkers, servers, telemarketing folks, and everyone else we come in contact with. What if we did that when ordering food at a restaurant?
Me: "I was thinking I'd have a chicken caesar salad, please."
Server: "Ok."
Me: "Or...wait. What do you think? Is it good?"
Server: "Yes, it is good."
Me: "Ok, perfect." (pause) "Or, do I really want a burger? I mean, that is what I was kind of leaning towards."
Server: cricket cricket
Me: "No, no. I'll go with the salad. I mean, that is better right? Ok, start with her and then I will be ready."
Come on. Is it too late to make a resolution to try to stop doing this??
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Let's Talk About Sex, Baby....
Read this first:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/planned-parenthood-speaker-good-parents-let-teens-have-sex-at-home
I am sure there are many different opinions on an article like this, and I felt that I needed to share mine. My first thought was "surely this woman did not come and advise all parents to let their teens have sex in their homes...." I get the feeling that this was taken way out of context to sensationalize the story.
I will take a stab at the message I think the speaker was trying to get across: the more parents speak openly about sex and sexuality with their teens, the better off both parties will be. The research on sex education (yes, bear with me....) shows that comprehensive sex education (meaning everything is discussed--anatomy, consequences, contraceptives...) is the most beneficial type, versus abstinance-only sex education or, more commonly, NO sex education. If children are not aware of the consequences and dont learn how to have safe sex, how can we expect them to know any better? Then we can add on top of that the "lure" of something "taboo" to make it all the more appealing.
I think we are all apt to agree the Europe has a more healthy relationship with alcohol because of the very open way in which it is used. Children drink wine for special occasions and learn that it is something to be savored and enjoyed, not abused, from a very early age. Incidentally, their rates of alcoholism are much lower than ours. I think the speaker was trying to say that the same could be applied when it came to sex. The more we talk about it, the better off everyone will be.
Planned Parenthood is not out to corrupt our society and convince everyone that the consequences of unprotected sex are easily reversed. In fact, PP's ultimate goal, as I see it, is the opposite. PP provides contraceptives, sex education, routine check-ups, and, yes, abortions. PP also offers these services for cheap, or free, which targets lower-income girls who have no other options and may not get care otherwise. But, go to most OB/GYNs in the country and you can get all of these things as well...yet these doctors are not getting slammed for "promoting" sex--safe or unsafe.
Like with most social issues, I think it is best we are all informed before we take a side. I dont think this is going to be resolved anytime soon, with the upcoming election and the huge focus on abortion, contraceptives, health care, and so on. Take a side--after all, that is what our country was built on--just make sure you're informed when you do. I think we can all figure out which one I am on.
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/planned-parenthood-speaker-good-parents-let-teens-have-sex-at-home
I am sure there are many different opinions on an article like this, and I felt that I needed to share mine. My first thought was "surely this woman did not come and advise all parents to let their teens have sex in their homes...." I get the feeling that this was taken way out of context to sensationalize the story.
I will take a stab at the message I think the speaker was trying to get across: the more parents speak openly about sex and sexuality with their teens, the better off both parties will be. The research on sex education (yes, bear with me....) shows that comprehensive sex education (meaning everything is discussed--anatomy, consequences, contraceptives...) is the most beneficial type, versus abstinance-only sex education or, more commonly, NO sex education. If children are not aware of the consequences and dont learn how to have safe sex, how can we expect them to know any better? Then we can add on top of that the "lure" of something "taboo" to make it all the more appealing.
I think we are all apt to agree the Europe has a more healthy relationship with alcohol because of the very open way in which it is used. Children drink wine for special occasions and learn that it is something to be savored and enjoyed, not abused, from a very early age. Incidentally, their rates of alcoholism are much lower than ours. I think the speaker was trying to say that the same could be applied when it came to sex. The more we talk about it, the better off everyone will be.
Planned Parenthood is not out to corrupt our society and convince everyone that the consequences of unprotected sex are easily reversed. In fact, PP's ultimate goal, as I see it, is the opposite. PP provides contraceptives, sex education, routine check-ups, and, yes, abortions. PP also offers these services for cheap, or free, which targets lower-income girls who have no other options and may not get care otherwise. But, go to most OB/GYNs in the country and you can get all of these things as well...yet these doctors are not getting slammed for "promoting" sex--safe or unsafe.
Like with most social issues, I think it is best we are all informed before we take a side. I dont think this is going to be resolved anytime soon, with the upcoming election and the huge focus on abortion, contraceptives, health care, and so on. Take a side--after all, that is what our country was built on--just make sure you're informed when you do. I think we can all figure out which one I am on.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Heart Like Mine
Love this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCbTICNAwxM&ob=av2e
Miranda Lambert's "Heart Like Mine"is one of my favorite songs. I love her take on her relationship with Jesus--it is so honest.
It may be weird that I am writing a post about religion. I have definitely gotten away from it since college, but lately I have found myself praying more. I have finally realized that a lot of things in my life are beyond my control, despite my best effort to control them. Maybe my job is the catalyst; it is hard to not count my blessings when I am constantly reminded how blessed I am. Maybe it is maturity. Who knows.
Learning to let go of the things I cant change or control has been a huge challenge for me. I have a hard time letting them go, because it feels like I am giving up or making myself vulnerable to the unknown. Usually, when I am praying, I find myself saying the Serenity Prayer, which is just how I have been feeling lately. I want to trust God with my life, but to be honest, I am scared to turn over the control. One step at a time, I guess.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCbTICNAwxM&ob=av2e
Miranda Lambert's "Heart Like Mine"is one of my favorite songs. I love her take on her relationship with Jesus--it is so honest.
It may be weird that I am writing a post about religion. I have definitely gotten away from it since college, but lately I have found myself praying more. I have finally realized that a lot of things in my life are beyond my control, despite my best effort to control them. Maybe my job is the catalyst; it is hard to not count my blessings when I am constantly reminded how blessed I am. Maybe it is maturity. Who knows.
Learning to let go of the things I cant change or control has been a huge challenge for me. I have a hard time letting them go, because it feels like I am giving up or making myself vulnerable to the unknown. Usually, when I am praying, I find myself saying the Serenity Prayer, which is just how I have been feeling lately. I want to trust God with my life, but to be honest, I am scared to turn over the control. One step at a time, I guess.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
2 Year Anniversary
No, this is not a reference to a long-term relationship, unless you count the super emeshed one I have with my grad school cohort. It is actually in reference to my relationship with Colorado and Fort Collins.
Two years ago, I stepped off a plane, got in a shuttle, and caught my first (yes, very first) glimpse of the snowy Rocky Mountains. It snowed the entire 60 mile ride from Denver to Fort Collins (the day after I got back, Mibbie and I took champagne to Piedmont Park and sat outside in the sun in 65 degree weather...). I feel in love with the town, the college, and the MFT program. And, quickly, I fell in love with my amazing friends out here. It is not a stretch or exaggeration to say that I probably wouldnt have made it this far without them.
This isnt to say I dont miss Georgia. I do. A lot. There are a ton of people and places that I miss every day. I think about my friends and family all the time. I still refer to Georgia as "home," though I have started to catch myself, because Fort Collins is my home now. Moving out here and going to CSU was the best decision I have ever made. There is no greater feeling than feeling like you are where you are meant to be and doing what you are meant to be doing. But, sometimes it doesnt make it any easier to be far away. Sometimes I even feel like I left some strings untied back in Georgia--which is a hard thing for me to come to terms with.
 |
| MFT Interview Day, Feb 2010; Old Town, Fort Collins |
Two years ago this weekend, I made the scary, exciting decision to pack up and move out West. And, let me tell you, it has been a wild and crazy ride.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
100 Ways to Rock
http://wearethatfamily.com/2012/02/100-ways-to-make-your-marriage-rock/
I saw this link on Facebook and was interested in finding out the "100 ways to make your marriage rock." Obviously, since I am not married, I do not have the personal experience of trying to "make my marriage rock," but, when I read this I couldn't help thinking, "Well, hell...some of these are things you should do in any relationship--friends, parents, significant others, etc." Of course, there are exceptions to this rule-- #26 is not advised for parents or friends (unless it is that kind of friend relationship...which is fine, too). #29, #44, and # 45 you can certainly apply those to all your relationships--intimate or otherwise.
The good news about this list is that they are all do-able. These are the little things that make a relationship rock. Years of research has shown that just 5-15 minutes a day of one-on-one time can make all the difference between a relationship that grows together or grows apart. And, some of the things on this list take all of 30 seconds and can make a huge difference in someone's day.
Another way to look at this is to see the word "rock" as a noun, as in stable, heavy, 'you are my rock' type stuff. I think this list can be interpreted as "100 ways to make a relationship foundation." While rocking (the verb) is great--rocking it in the bedroom, rocking out in the car with girlfriends, or just rocking out to 90's music in the living room during an impromptu dance party--these things wouldn't be there without the relationship/friendship/familial 'rock'.
Plus, isn't an intimate relationship essentially an amazing friendship with some passion thrown in? Isn't a family bond one of the tightest and (hopefully) supportive relationships you can have? And, aren't friendships the relationships that get us through when we need it most? Bibbity Bobbity Boo.*
*Points if you understand this reference. Hint: you have to sing the rest of the song...
I saw this link on Facebook and was interested in finding out the "100 ways to make your marriage rock." Obviously, since I am not married, I do not have the personal experience of trying to "make my marriage rock," but, when I read this I couldn't help thinking, "Well, hell...some of these are things you should do in any relationship--friends, parents, significant others, etc." Of course, there are exceptions to this rule-- #26 is not advised for parents or friends (unless it is that kind of friend relationship...which is fine, too). #29, #44, and # 45 you can certainly apply those to all your relationships--intimate or otherwise.
The good news about this list is that they are all do-able. These are the little things that make a relationship rock. Years of research has shown that just 5-15 minutes a day of one-on-one time can make all the difference between a relationship that grows together or grows apart. And, some of the things on this list take all of 30 seconds and can make a huge difference in someone's day.
Another way to look at this is to see the word "rock" as a noun, as in stable, heavy, 'you are my rock' type stuff. I think this list can be interpreted as "100 ways to make a relationship foundation." While rocking (the verb) is great--rocking it in the bedroom, rocking out in the car with girlfriends, or just rocking out to 90's music in the living room during an impromptu dance party--these things wouldn't be there without the relationship/friendship/familial 'rock'.
Plus, isn't an intimate relationship essentially an amazing friendship with some passion thrown in? Isn't a family bond one of the tightest and (hopefully) supportive relationships you can have? And, aren't friendships the relationships that get us through when we need it most? Bibbity Bobbity Boo.*
*Points if you understand this reference. Hint: you have to sing the rest of the song...
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Intensity
Today I had one of the most intense therapy sessions in the 14 months I have been working with clients.
My client is a 6 year old boy and his mother. His mother just got out of jail and has just come back in his life after being absent for 2.5 years. He has been expelled from school recently for intense anger, threats, and several other poor behavior. In the 6 weeks of working with them, I haven't seen this anger to the extent which I have been told it could be. That changed today.
Today, I was called a "fucking bitch," "asshole," and he told me he would "chop my head off" and "stab my mom in the heart so she dies" because he got angry at us. This went on for about 35-40 minutes before he was able to get control.
Needless to say, I have never been called a "fucking bitch" by a client, and especially not a 6 year old. It is amazing the amount of hurt and pain that this child is feeling and experiencing right now. Unfortunately, a child does not have the verbal or emotional ability to express how he feels when feelings are so intense. He is unable to tell us how he felt abandoned, lost, and afraid he will be left again--the best way he knows how is to say and do things in an attempt to make us feel the same rage he is feeling.
Chances are I will lie away tonight thinking and replaying this session in my head. This is the hard, and heartbreaking, part of my job.
My client is a 6 year old boy and his mother. His mother just got out of jail and has just come back in his life after being absent for 2.5 years. He has been expelled from school recently for intense anger, threats, and several other poor behavior. In the 6 weeks of working with them, I haven't seen this anger to the extent which I have been told it could be. That changed today.
Today, I was called a "fucking bitch," "asshole," and he told me he would "chop my head off" and "stab my mom in the heart so she dies" because he got angry at us. This went on for about 35-40 minutes before he was able to get control.
Needless to say, I have never been called a "fucking bitch" by a client, and especially not a 6 year old. It is amazing the amount of hurt and pain that this child is feeling and experiencing right now. Unfortunately, a child does not have the verbal or emotional ability to express how he feels when feelings are so intense. He is unable to tell us how he felt abandoned, lost, and afraid he will be left again--the best way he knows how is to say and do things in an attempt to make us feel the same rage he is feeling.
Chances are I will lie away tonight thinking and replaying this session in my head. This is the hard, and heartbreaking, part of my job.
Friday, February 3, 2012
How to Choose Your SEC Team
http://www.redcuprebellion.com/2012/1/9/2690793/how-to-choose-your-sec-school-a-primer-for-disinterested-fans
LOVE THIS. Very stereotypical, and (obviously) I am not a disinterested fan, but very funny nonetheless.
Check it out.
*Thank you Emily Dziedzic for finding this!
LOVE THIS. Very stereotypical, and (obviously) I am not a disinterested fan, but very funny nonetheless.
Check it out.
*Thank you Emily Dziedzic for finding this!
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