Things to Know at 25

5. Get Some Counseling

Twenty-five is also a great time to get into counseling if you haven’t already, or begin round two of counseling if it’s been a while. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel the knots that keep you from living a healthy, whole life, and do it now, before any more time passes.

Some people believe emotional and psychological issues should be solved through traditional spiritual means—that prayer and pastoral guidance are all that’s necessary when facing issues of mental health. We generally trust medical doctors to help us heal from physical ailments. We can and should trust counselors and therapists to help us resolve emotional and psychological issues. 

It goes without saying that I really like this particular section and not just because it is my chosen profession.  In fact, the reason I am IN this field in the first place is because I have witnessed firsthand (personally and professionally) the healing process of therapy.  Is it hard? As hell. Is it expensive? Sometimes. Is it scary? Absolutely.  But, despite all of these things, I also think that it is 100% worth it, if for no other reason at all but to find and be your best self. After all, you can't give the best of yourself to your family, your job, or your relationships if you don't know what your best is. 

Try it out--and no, you don't have to lay down on a couch and talk about how it feels, unless of course you want to. 

Things to Know at 25

Installment #4:

4. Give Your Best to Friends and Family

While twentysomethings can sometimes spend a little too much energy on dating and marriage, they probably spend too little energy on friendships and family. Lots of people move around in their 20s, but even across the distance, make an effort to invest in the friendships that are important to you. Loyalty is no small thing, especially in a season during which so many other things are shifting.

Family is a tricky thing in your 20s—to learn how to be an adult out on your own but to also maintain a healthy relationship with your parents—but those relationships are really, really worth investing in. 

This is really important to me, having moved halfway across the country 18 months ago. I feel so fortunate to say that most--maybe all--of my valuable friendships have remained that way. No, we may not talk as much as we used to, and we certainly don't get to see each other as much, but I think of my friends often and when I come to visit we are right where we left off. 

Not only that, but I have had the opportunity to make even MORE wonderful friends out here in CO.  These friends are my support, my lifeline, and partners in crime, and I couldn't have made it this far in grad school without them. Sharing this unique, tough, and worthwhile experience has created a bond like no other. 

One of my favorite times in CO was when my three best friends came to visit for my birthday and got to join my other best friends to celebrate.  All in one place. Amazing.

And, I still talk to my family daily.  My sister and I talk/text throughout the day, almost everyday, and the thought of her moving out here makes me so excited.  I also still talk to both of my parents more days than not. Like the article said, I have been able to be independent and still keep a close relationship with my family. 

Truly blessed in this aspect. 

Things to Know at 25

Installment #3 of things we need to know at 25.

3. Don’t Rush Dating and Marriage

Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from a dating relationship that’s good but not great. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you’ll make during this time will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.

“Who are you dating?” “Do you think he’s the one?” “Have you looked at rings?” It’s easy to be seduced by the romance-dating-marriage narrative. We confer a lot of status and respect on people who are getting married—we buy them presents and consider them as more adult and more responsible.But there’s nothing inherently more responsible or more admirable about being married. 

Some people view marriage as the next step to happiness or grown-up life or some kind of legitimacy, and in their mad desire to be married, they overlook significant issues in the relationship.

Ask your friends, family members and mentors what they think of the person you’re dating and your relationship. Go through premarital counseling before you are engaged, because, really, engagement is largely about wedding planning, and it’s tough to see the flaws in a relationship clearly when you’re wearing a diamond and you have a deposit on an event space.Time is on your side. Really, it is.

I think this one is super important. I love the part about "serious" dating and its two meanings--entering the final stage of commitment (marriage) or walking away. I am so happy for my friends who have found "the one," and, eventually, that is what I want as well.  After all, I am a firm believer that a satisfying relationship is one of the most gratifying accomplishments there is (hence my profession...). On the other hand, I am a firm believer that both partners should be happy and committed in a relationship, and if not, the relationship, well...isn't one. Walking away can be the hardest thing.

At this point in our lives, we have time to make sure and check off the things on our "must-have" list for partners. We also have time to be picky, and not settle for the person who only have half of our "must-haves." Let's get real--at this point in our lives, marriage doesn't make us any more grown up than having a job or mortgage.  That is what our 30's are for. 

Things to Know at 25

The second thing we need to know by 25:

2. Get Out of Debt and Stay Out of Debt

Part of being a healthy, mature adult is learning to live within your means all the time, even if that means going without things you think you need, or doing work you don’t love for a while to be responsible financially. The ability to adjust your spending according to your income is a skill that will serve you your whole life.

There will be times when you have more money than you need. In those seasons, tithe as always, save like crazy, and then let yourself buy fancy shampoo or an iPad or whatever it is you really get a kick out of. When the money’s not rolling in, buy your shampoo from the grocery store and eat eggs instead of steak—a much cheaper way to get protein. If you can get the hang of living within your means all the time—always tithing, never going into debt—you’ll be ahead of the game when life surprises you with bad financial news.

Unfortunately, being in school is not exactly conducive to saving money and budgeting kind of goes out the window.  I consider my student loans to be "smart debt," because it is going to pay off eventually...right....? I try to be careful with my credit card and good about paying my bills, too.  But, it isn't always easy.  My dad has spent the last 25 years teaching me how to be "smart" with my money--I will be putting this into practice as soon as I have money to be "smart" with.

Things to know at 25

A friend sent this link to me--a list of things we should know at 25.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/25956-11-things-to-know-at-25ish

All of these things hit home with me.  I've had a similar conversation with several friends lately about how our mid-twenties haven't exactly been the post-graduation bliss we expected. We talked about the uncertainty, confusion, and changes we are experiencing--with jobs, relationships, states...and just about everything else.

I decided to comment on each of these things separately, because I think they are all very relevant right now.

1. You Have Time to Find a Job You Love

Now is the time to figure out what kind of work you love to do. What are you good at? What makes you feel alive? What do you dream about? You can go back to school now, switch directions entirely. You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it. It takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.

I think this is especially applicable to our generation.  The economic downfall has made it a bit harder for a lot of us to find jobs, and a lot have had no choice but to take the first thing that is similar to what we majored in--or in some cases, something completely random. I have also noticed that a lot of people have gone back to school, either to wait things out, or, like in my case, to ensure that we will get the jobs we want and be more marketable when the time comes. 

I have been lucky enough to being pursuing my passion and (hopefully) will be able to turn it into a lucrative, rewarding career.  I love this idea of realizing what you are good at, what motivates you, what makes you feel a sense of purpose. We don't have to settle for a job we hate or dread--now is the perfect time to figure out what makes us happy and go for it.