Things to Know at 25

5. Get Some Counseling

Twenty-five is also a great time to get into counseling if you haven’t already, or begin round two of counseling if it’s been a while. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel the knots that keep you from living a healthy, whole life, and do it now, before any more time passes.

Some people believe emotional and psychological issues should be solved through traditional spiritual means—that prayer and pastoral guidance are all that’s necessary when facing issues of mental health. We generally trust medical doctors to help us heal from physical ailments. We can and should trust counselors and therapists to help us resolve emotional and psychological issues. 

It goes without saying that I really like this particular section and not just because it is my chosen profession.  In fact, the reason I am IN this field in the first place is because I have witnessed firsthand (personally and professionally) the healing process of therapy.  Is it hard? As hell. Is it expensive? Sometimes. Is it scary? Absolutely.  But, despite all of these things, I also think that it is 100% worth it, if for no other reason at all but to find and be your best self. After all, you can't give the best of yourself to your family, your job, or your relationships if you don't know what your best is. 

Try it out--and no, you don't have to lay down on a couch and talk about how it feels, unless of course you want to. 

Things to Know at 25

Installment #4:

4. Give Your Best to Friends and Family

While twentysomethings can sometimes spend a little too much energy on dating and marriage, they probably spend too little energy on friendships and family. Lots of people move around in their 20s, but even across the distance, make an effort to invest in the friendships that are important to you. Loyalty is no small thing, especially in a season during which so many other things are shifting.

Family is a tricky thing in your 20s—to learn how to be an adult out on your own but to also maintain a healthy relationship with your parents—but those relationships are really, really worth investing in. 

This is really important to me, having moved halfway across the country 18 months ago. I feel so fortunate to say that most--maybe all--of my valuable friendships have remained that way. No, we may not talk as much as we used to, and we certainly don't get to see each other as much, but I think of my friends often and when I come to visit we are right where we left off. 

Not only that, but I have had the opportunity to make even MORE wonderful friends out here in CO.  These friends are my support, my lifeline, and partners in crime, and I couldn't have made it this far in grad school without them. Sharing this unique, tough, and worthwhile experience has created a bond like no other. 

One of my favorite times in CO was when my three best friends came to visit for my birthday and got to join my other best friends to celebrate.  All in one place. Amazing.

And, I still talk to my family daily.  My sister and I talk/text throughout the day, almost everyday, and the thought of her moving out here makes me so excited.  I also still talk to both of my parents more days than not. Like the article said, I have been able to be independent and still keep a close relationship with my family. 

Truly blessed in this aspect. 

Things to Know at 25

Installment #3 of things we need to know at 25.

3. Don’t Rush Dating and Marriage

Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from a dating relationship that’s good but not great. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you’ll make during this time will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.

“Who are you dating?” “Do you think he’s the one?” “Have you looked at rings?” It’s easy to be seduced by the romance-dating-marriage narrative. We confer a lot of status and respect on people who are getting married—we buy them presents and consider them as more adult and more responsible.But there’s nothing inherently more responsible or more admirable about being married. 

Some people view marriage as the next step to happiness or grown-up life or some kind of legitimacy, and in their mad desire to be married, they overlook significant issues in the relationship.

Ask your friends, family members and mentors what they think of the person you’re dating and your relationship. Go through premarital counseling before you are engaged, because, really, engagement is largely about wedding planning, and it’s tough to see the flaws in a relationship clearly when you’re wearing a diamond and you have a deposit on an event space.Time is on your side. Really, it is.

I think this one is super important. I love the part about "serious" dating and its two meanings--entering the final stage of commitment (marriage) or walking away. I am so happy for my friends who have found "the one," and, eventually, that is what I want as well.  After all, I am a firm believer that a satisfying relationship is one of the most gratifying accomplishments there is (hence my profession...). On the other hand, I am a firm believer that both partners should be happy and committed in a relationship, and if not, the relationship, well...isn't one. Walking away can be the hardest thing.

At this point in our lives, we have time to make sure and check off the things on our "must-have" list for partners. We also have time to be picky, and not settle for the person who only have half of our "must-haves." Let's get real--at this point in our lives, marriage doesn't make us any more grown up than having a job or mortgage.  That is what our 30's are for. 

Things to Know at 25

The second thing we need to know by 25:

2. Get Out of Debt and Stay Out of Debt

Part of being a healthy, mature adult is learning to live within your means all the time, even if that means going without things you think you need, or doing work you don’t love for a while to be responsible financially. The ability to adjust your spending according to your income is a skill that will serve you your whole life.

There will be times when you have more money than you need. In those seasons, tithe as always, save like crazy, and then let yourself buy fancy shampoo or an iPad or whatever it is you really get a kick out of. When the money’s not rolling in, buy your shampoo from the grocery store and eat eggs instead of steak—a much cheaper way to get protein. If you can get the hang of living within your means all the time—always tithing, never going into debt—you’ll be ahead of the game when life surprises you with bad financial news.

Unfortunately, being in school is not exactly conducive to saving money and budgeting kind of goes out the window.  I consider my student loans to be "smart debt," because it is going to pay off eventually...right....? I try to be careful with my credit card and good about paying my bills, too.  But, it isn't always easy.  My dad has spent the last 25 years teaching me how to be "smart" with my money--I will be putting this into practice as soon as I have money to be "smart" with.

Things to know at 25

A friend sent this link to me--a list of things we should know at 25.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/25956-11-things-to-know-at-25ish

All of these things hit home with me.  I've had a similar conversation with several friends lately about how our mid-twenties haven't exactly been the post-graduation bliss we expected. We talked about the uncertainty, confusion, and changes we are experiencing--with jobs, relationships, states...and just about everything else.

I decided to comment on each of these things separately, because I think they are all very relevant right now.

1. You Have Time to Find a Job You Love

Now is the time to figure out what kind of work you love to do. What are you good at? What makes you feel alive? What do you dream about? You can go back to school now, switch directions entirely. You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it. It takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.

I think this is especially applicable to our generation.  The economic downfall has made it a bit harder for a lot of us to find jobs, and a lot have had no choice but to take the first thing that is similar to what we majored in--or in some cases, something completely random. I have also noticed that a lot of people have gone back to school, either to wait things out, or, like in my case, to ensure that we will get the jobs we want and be more marketable when the time comes. 

I have been lucky enough to being pursuing my passion and (hopefully) will be able to turn it into a lucrative, rewarding career.  I love this idea of realizing what you are good at, what motivates you, what makes you feel a sense of purpose. We don't have to settle for a job we hate or dread--now is the perfect time to figure out what makes us happy and go for it. 

Thankful

I have a lot to be thankful for.  I try not to only think about it around Thanksgiving, but, now is as good a time as any. However, listing out all of the things I am thankful for would take way too long.  So, here are the top three:

I am thankful for my amazing friends--new, old, near, and far. I wouldn't be who I am or where I am without you.

I am thankful for my family, for the ups and downs and the unconditional love and support. My sister is my best friend and my parents are my foundation.

I am thankful for my education and the opportunities it will provide. I am blessed to be at Colorado State, in the Marriage and Family Therapy program, doing what I love.

Things I Will Never Understand About Airports

In my 25 years, I have done a looooot of traveling.  I also fly standby, which means it is never guaranteed that I will get on the flight I am listed on.  I am so thankful that I have the ability to fly for so cheap (thanks mom!) but it certainly doesnt cut down on the headaches of flying. It isnt even the flying, per say.  It is the airports. Here are a few things I've noticed about airports during my travels.

1  People do not know how to walk.  Walking down the terminal is just like driving on the highway...there are two lanes.  You wouldnt drive into on-coming traffic would you? Or, would you STOP in the middle of the highway?

2.  Kids with suitcases.  You know, the kids with the rolling Dora the Explorer or Cars suitcases who want to stop and stand in the middle of the walkway to look at something.  You'll be hurrying along and next thing you know, BAM, youve stubbed your toe on Dora's head.

3.  Women in heels.  Please tell me WHY anyone would want to run around the airport in 4 inch stilettos? It isnt a catwalk, its a jetway. Plus, imagine running into Dora's head in heels.  Ouch.

4.  The bathroom stall doors open IN.  So, when you go in with your suitcase, you have to maneuver yourself, bag, purse, and other belongings into the stall with only about 3 inches of space and a door that only opens in.  It is the same in every airport.  Notice it next time.

5.  People who dress for their destinations. For instance, the guy in line at security at Denver International Airport.  He was in shorts and a short-sleeved Hawaiian shirt with flip-flops.  It was snowing. Hey! Bet he's going somewhere tropical!

6. Passangers who do not realize that they arent on a private plane.  Some people just dont seem to realize that there are 100s of other passengers squeezed into that tight space with them. And, lets be real here, we dont care about the cruise you just took with 6 of your best girlfriends because one of them just got dumped.

These are my observations thus far. I am sure my list will continue to grow as I continue to fly

Faith

One of the hardest and most true statements there is. Thats all I have to say about that.

Resilience

Over the last 10 months of doing therapy, I have come to appreciate and admire the resilience of our clients.  The stories of abuse, addiction, affairs, among others continue to shock me--and I hope they always will.  What also shocks me is the recovery process.

Tonight, for example, another therapist's client revealed extreme emotional, physical, and sexual abuse that continued well into his teen years.  Now in his late 30s, he is married and has 3 kids, whom he loves and respects in a way he never knew.  He is working through his trauma and his resilience and recovery is just incredible. This is therapy at work.

Even in the case of extreme trauma, many clients are able to process it and move forward.  Though it is a hard, often painful process, they are able to have successful families, even if they grew up in a home where abuse was normal.  They are able to maintain intimate relationships, despite an addiction or affair.  It is truly amazing.

Hearing these stories also makes me feel extremely blessed to have the life that I do.  It is a constant reminder that life isn't fair and some end up with a bad hand.  I am a lucky girl and very thankful for all I have.

My REAL self

I've finally accepted it.  I am the cat lady.  The good news is, I'm not the CRAZY cat lady (yet).

Friends have been jokingly calling me this for years.  So what if I like cats....a lot.... A lot of people like cats.  They happen to be the perfect pet: no walking, no barking, no having to clean a fish filter, and they fit perfectly in an apartment.

Halloween is the perfect time to be a cat lady.  Not only do I get to represent my true inner self on the outside (notice the costume), but I have the perfect Halloween accessory (my black cat). I was especially excited for the awesome cat vest I found at the thrift store.

Yes, it felt really good to finally portray the real me.  It isnt so bad, really, being the cat lady.  In fact, dressing up like it was really fun! Plus, I only have one cat...not 12.

It's Good to be Good

When I first started teaching 5th grade, I had a boy in my class named Chase.  Chase was quite the little charmer, very funny and smart and, I'm convinced, a future politician, as he could be quite the schmoozer.

Every morning he'd come in smiling and our conversation would go like this:

"Hey Ms. Yates, how ya doin?"--Chase

"Im good, Chase, how are you?"

"I'm good, Ms. Yates.  It's good to be good."--Chase

"It's good to be good."

Wouldn't it be nice if we had someone to remind us first thing in the morning how good it is to be good?  Because it is. We aren't required to be great or spectacular everyday, and if we were, we'd all be cast in The Stepford Wives 2. At least in my books, being good is enough for me (and sure beats the alternative).

This isn't to say that I don't want great days, or to be a great therapist or a great friend, or have everything in my life just great.  Because that would be...great.  But, I also don't feel like I'm settling when things are just good. It's good to be good.

The Lurking Challege: Admitting We are Lurking on the Internet

It is time we admit it.  I'm guilty. You're guilty.  Your coworkers, classmates, and friends are guilty. Guilty of internet stalking.

It just so easy to do.  You are friends with someone who is facebook friends with so-and-so and next thing you know, you're looking at sorority pictures of so-and-so from 2005.

Another favorite: "Omg, did you see _________'s wedding pictures?? That dress/ring/bouquet/groomsman is beautiful!" Um no. I didnt see it because I havent seen or spoken to __________ since high school.  BUT, now that you bring it up, I'm going to go check it out for myself.

Not to get all 'researchy' on ya, but studies on happiness and perceived happiness say that this kind of stalking ('information gathering' as I prefer) has a particularly detrimental effect on women.  We are much more susceptible to the happiness comparison, mainly because women are more like to post pictures and statuses about things that make them happy.

Ex: "The gorgeous flowers my finance sent me! (with picture)" or "Just refinished the kitchen in our dream home (with picture)!"

I, too, am guilty of these things.  Let's get real.  You are too.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/why-everyone-needs-to-accept-that-theyre-a-giant-creeper-on-the-internet/

A GREAT weekend!

What a fantastic weekend! 

Jason Aldean Concert!

Friday was the Jason Aldean concert in Denver.  He. Is. Amazing.  And a really great performer.  Corinne, my fave country concert goer, is a blast to go with!

Zombie Crawl

Saturday was the long-awaited, second annual Zombie Bar Crawl! Last year (for reasons we still arent sure of...) we went as 80's workout girls (?).  This year, we went with actual zombie makeup.  Next year, we are shooting for fake blood.  
                                                                 

Ive never seen the sky so blue

fun :)
Then, today (Sunday) Sam, Corinne, and I went to our favorite brunch spot, Cafe Vino for bottomless mimosas.  It was a BEAUTIFUL day--I have never seen the sky so blue! So, in an effort to procrastinate further, we went for a walk in the residential area by my apartment, taking pictures and goofing off.  It was a great afternoon.  I even practiced some of my amateur photography skills. 

laying in the 'graveyard'

I love the 90's!

This is soooo great!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=2539916142295

Boy Meets World. Jurassic Park. Are You Afraid of the Dark? A Goofy Movie.  Rocko's Modern Life.  Fruity Pebbles. Sister Sister. America's Funniest Home Videos. Anamaniacs. Bill Nye. Captain Planet. The Mighty Ducks. Game Boy. Saved By The Bell.  Full House. Home Alone. Legends of The Hidden Temple. Wayne's World.

This pretty much sums up my childhood.  The only thing missing is those classic Nickelodeon shows: Salute Your Shorts, Pete and Pete, and Hey Dude.  THOSE were the classics. And, how could Titanic not be on the list??  Yes, it came out in 1997.  We were 11.

Fall and Football

Horsetooth Rock

Last Friday, I finally got to hike Horsetooth Rock.  It was a gorgeous fall day--perfect for a good hike.  Sam and I took about 100 pics each, and therefore, the 3 hour hike was closer to 4.  From the top of Horsetooth, looking to the west, is Rocky Mountain National Park.  To the east you can see almost clear to Kansas.  It was beautiful, peaceful, and a very spiritual experience sitting at the top looking out from 7500 feet.

Looking out over the Rockies

Also, this past weekend was our annual CSU football game and trip to the Pumpkin Farm.  By annual, I mean we did this last year and again this year...irrelevant.

GORGEOUS sky

tailgating

CSU played Boise State.  And yes, we got our asses handed to us.  Final score: 63-13.  FIFTY POINTS.  It was great to see such a good team play, but man, poor Rams. As usual, tailgating was a blast and I didnt get my bourbon taken away this year.

Harvest Farms

At the Harvest Farm pumpkin patch, we tried to rope fake cows, saw 3 rabbits humping each other, took a hay-less hayride, watched a pig race, and half of our group got lost in the corn maze and had to be retrieve by a guy who worked there. It took a solid 10-15 minutes to find them.

A solid weekend I would say!

Read First:

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/so-youre-getting-married-thats-really-really-cool/


This spiel pretty much sums up where I am in my life right now. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for friends who have found the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with, I love going to weddings and celebrating with them, and essentially love love and a healthy relationship (hence my future profession).  However. I blame Facebook. 110%.  Every weekend I see that little red heart and "so and so is engaged to _______". In addition, people I would normally not know about (acquaintances, friends of friends, etc.) I now the the intimate details of their love lives.  I am not being cynical--just observing and commenting on our current life phase. I know I cannot be the only one to feel this way, as I have had the conversation with several friends. That being said, I cannot wait to celebrate the weddings in the near future with dear friends.

Up next....baby phase.

Sometimes I forget this....

A friend just sent me this link:

http://www.lshs64.com/enjoytheride.html

Sometimes, and I am sure I'm not the only one, I forget all of the blessings in my life and focus on the small annoying distractions.  It can be so easy to forget that I have great friends and a great family, or that I am doing exactly what I want to be doing with my life, or that I have so many opportunities to be thankful for. Sometimes, school and life get so overwhelming, that all of these other things go on the back burner until the grad school fog lifts and I can see it again.  Maybe I will make this my New Year's Resolution....can I start it in October, though?

Grad School Humor

My statistics midterm was turned in today at 12:30 on the dot. After spending several hours (~15+) on this, my brain is too full to function.  But, alas, Stats class started at 12:31 on the dot. My professor, who is German, tends to make at least 1 or 2 sexual references per class--and yes, I have kept a tally.  Today, though, got a little out of hand.  In learning about Factor Loading (and dont worry, I dont know what it means anyway) we use a sort of rotation to determine the amount of factor loading. So, in regards to this (and to help us understand...??) my professor offhandedly told us that "when we are statistical experts, our pick up line is 'baby, you can rotate my factors anytime'." 1 point. And, in response, a friend asks if that is how he met his wife....our department head. 2 points.  Awkward. So, he told us no, they knew each other before they were statistical experts.  So, in response to THAT, another friend mentions that it was simply "statistical foreplay" before they were experts, which is a phrase he likes to say quite a bit in regards to Exploratory Data Analysis (which, I hardly know the definition....or the purpose). 3 points. Double awkward.  Cue awkward laugh all around.

Grad School Humor

Georgia/Tennessee game in Denver!

Let's Go Dawgs!
For the UGA/UT game I finally made it down to Denver to watch the game with my fellow Colorado Dawgs.  I have been meaning to go for awhile now.  Mellow Mushroom hosts the Colorado Dawgs for every Georgia game and it was awesome to watch the game with them! Luckily, too, UGA won 20-12.  Great game, but kind of a nail-biter towards the end! To make things EVEN better, my good friend Kelly was in town from ATL and it was great to see her! Also, I took my friend Amy to her first ever UGA watching because she "wanted to see how we watch football"... we meaning UGA fans and SEC fans in general. I think she may have been alarmed.

Me and Amy at Mellow Mushroom

 After the game, we went out on the town--it has been a minute since I have gotten to go out in Denver.  We even went to Coyote Ugly...not necessarily my fave kind of place, but fun nonetheless.  And, the really DO dance on the bar.  And it IS choreographed. 

Beth, Kelly, and Me

Nicki's Wedding!

This weekend we celebrated Nicki and Clay's wedding (8+ years in the making....)! I was very lucky to be able to fly back to Atlanta to be there with them.  But, of course, it was not without a few hitches at the airport.  After waking up at 4am Friday morning, getting to the airport at 5:45, not getting on the first 2 flights, and finally arriving in Atlanta around 5 pm (4 hours after I planned, and 12 hours after I started the trip) I made it home!

Spent Friday night @ Tin Lizzys for dinner, then went to Park Bench (AFTER 5 Paces...where we knew no one....and felt really old).  

Saturday, September 24, I went to Nicki and Clay's ceremony at JFBC and reception at Olde Towne Athletic Club.  So great to see them and be there to celebrate with all of our friends! 

OOOOPS!

Oops! Guess grad school/life/facebook got in the way of my blogging.  It has been almost a year! So much has happened and changed, and I am going to try to keep up with my posts.


Since my last post I:

-bought a ski pass (!)...and a helmet (Sept, 2011)
-started seeing clients (Jan, 2011)
-hiked in RMNP(Aug, 2011)
-had my besties out to CO to celebrate the big 2-5 (Feb, 2011)
-watched one of my best friends get married(July, 2011)
-went on countless brewery tours (ongoing...)
-got a "B" tattoo with my sister (Dec, 2010)