I recently got a job (!) as a family therapist. I work with kids and teens and their families on all kinds of issues. To be able to work with kids, I had to get finger printed, background checked, motor vehicle checked, and a provisional license. I dont disagree with this policy, especially considering the nature of the work that I do.
However, today I was thinking about the process; I have been through it 2 times already, once to get into grad school, and once to begin seeing clients. Luckily, the state of Wyoming came to the conclusion (once more) that I was not, in fact, a criminal and has graciously allowed me to help those who are.
There is always some debate about whether or not parents (read: mothers) should have to go through a similar process before giving birth or being able to keep their baby. How in the world this would be implemented is beyond me, because the number of pregnant women who do not a: have access to health care, and/or b: do not know that they need health care while pregnant and/or c: cant get care because of other reasons or circumstances and/or d: choose not to get care, is higher than we might like to think. Unfortunately, these are often the mothers that I see in therapy. So...should mothers be required by law to do some sort of criminal background check?
Of course, we are all going to have different opinions. Even the experts cant agree. I want to make it clear that I do not think that those parents with a criminal history cannot be good parents--they can. But often for these parents life's circumstances make it more difficult that those parents who do not have a criminal history. I am also not suggesting that parents without a criminal history are always good parents--they arent. We all know that.
This is my two cents...what do you think?
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
That is my biggest Pet Peeve!
How many times have you said this?? I say it all the time. Even Cosmo magazine has a section called "Bitch It Out" where people can send in pics or stories of pet peeve violations. I have two main pet peeves:
1. When people dont replace the empty toilet paper roll.
2. When cars are parked on the curb with space between them that could almost fit another car, but not quite.
The latter happened today when I was pulling up to my apartment. Three cars, perfectly spaced between the non-red curb so only a smart car could possibly fit without incurring major damage. Even though there was space in my apartment lot I found myself thinking, "OMG that is sooo annoying." Wait a hot second. I didnt even want to park there, so why did I care?
So I started thinking about pet peeves. I am assuming everyone has one or two things that just drive them crazy. But, should we react to them? Do pet peeves hurt anyone but ourselves? No, they dont. I can just about guarantee that the owners of said cars dont give a shit that there is 6 feet between their car and the other and definitely dont give a shit that it annoys me. So in the end, I am the only one affected.
I think it is more of the principle behind these actions. Another popular pet peeve: chewing with your mouth open. We think it is rude--I mean no one wants to see your half chewed food. But, it is the open-mouth chewer who should be concerned with his or her poor manners.
So, my half year resolution (a tad late) is to try not to let it bother me (as much...hey, baby steps). Because, in the end, I am the only one that gets frustrated...and it is just not worth it.
1. When people dont replace the empty toilet paper roll.
2. When cars are parked on the curb with space between them that could almost fit another car, but not quite.
The latter happened today when I was pulling up to my apartment. Three cars, perfectly spaced between the non-red curb so only a smart car could possibly fit without incurring major damage. Even though there was space in my apartment lot I found myself thinking, "OMG that is sooo annoying." Wait a hot second. I didnt even want to park there, so why did I care?
So I started thinking about pet peeves. I am assuming everyone has one or two things that just drive them crazy. But, should we react to them? Do pet peeves hurt anyone but ourselves? No, they dont. I can just about guarantee that the owners of said cars dont give a shit that there is 6 feet between their car and the other and definitely dont give a shit that it annoys me. So in the end, I am the only one affected.
I think it is more of the principle behind these actions. Another popular pet peeve: chewing with your mouth open. We think it is rude--I mean no one wants to see your half chewed food. But, it is the open-mouth chewer who should be concerned with his or her poor manners.
So, my half year resolution (a tad late) is to try not to let it bother me (as much...hey, baby steps). Because, in the end, I am the only one that gets frustrated...and it is just not worth it.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Bucket List
A friend of mine recently went on vacation to Peru. While she and her husband hiked, swan, and went site-seeing. When she told me she was going to Peru, I was a little shocked: "What the hell is in Peru?" Her response: "It is on my bucket list."
It got me thinking--what is on MY bucket list? What do I want to experience during my lifetime? Things kept popping up in my mind over the next couple days and here is what I have come up with so far:
1. Skydive
2. Go to the Kentucky Derby, wear a big hat, place some bets, and drink Min Juleps
3. Buy a house/flip a house where I can really entertain family and friends
4. Visit Greece
5. Have a successful private practice
6. Run a half marathon
7. Own the full Louis Vuitton luggage set (kidding...but not really...)
8. Visit the homeland (aka Scotland), check out the Davidson province, and buy something with our family crest/plaid
So far, that is what I have thought of, in no particular order. I think it might be time to get going!
It got me thinking--what is on MY bucket list? What do I want to experience during my lifetime? Things kept popping up in my mind over the next couple days and here is what I have come up with so far:
1. Skydive
2. Go to the Kentucky Derby, wear a big hat, place some bets, and drink Min Juleps
3. Buy a house/flip a house where I can really entertain family and friends
4. Visit Greece
5. Have a successful private practice
6. Run a half marathon
7. Own the full Louis Vuitton luggage set (kidding...but not really...)
8. Visit the homeland (aka Scotland), check out the Davidson province, and buy something with our family crest/plaid
So far, that is what I have thought of, in no particular order. I think it might be time to get going!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Prized Possessions
Add the threat of potential evacuation due to wildfire to the list of things I have experienced since moving to Colorado two years ago.
In case you havent gotten online or turned on the TV in a few days, there is a 43K+ acre wildfire burning just 12 miles west of Fort Collins. It started Saturday morning because of a lightening strike and has grown bigger and more out of control every hour since. The air is grey and filled with smoke and flames can be seen from certain places in town. It is really scary. Of course, watching the news only makes it worse.
On Sunday night, I started to panic and decided I would pack up some things that I wanted to keep safe, just in case I did have to evacuate. I dont know if yall have ever had to pack up valuables and prepare to leave home, but I have not. The only other time I remember doing anything of the sort was heading to the basement one afternoon after swim team practice because of a tornado. I grabbed all the stuffed animals I could.
As I began to turn in circles in my apartment, trying to decide what to put in the plastic box, here is what went through my head:
Madeline! She is the most important thing, but I cant very well put her into a plastic box and shut the lid--at least not without food. Pictures! I want my pictures! So, I take down all my picture frames and stacked them in the box. What next? Birth certificate and passport...tax info...car registration...PROOF OF RENTER'S INSURANCE. That gets piled in next. Now what? Do I own anything of value? Not really...some nice jewelry and heirlooms and some nice purses. I throw those in on top. There is still room. I'd grab computer, camera, and my diploma off the wall on my way out. What else?
And then something occurred to me. Almost everything I have is replaceable. Sure, I have thousands of dollars worth of clothes and shoes, furniture, and books, but if I had to leave my apartment in a hurry with all that I could carry, none of those things would matter. It is all just stuff. When I am not threatened with having to evacuate, these things mean a lot to me, so it amazed me that I could so easily
leave it behind if I absolutely had to. Sure it is nice to have, but, really, this stuff doesnt matter. What does matter can fit into a cat carrier and a plastic tub.
As of this post, the fire is beginning to get under control. And, there is still room in the plastic tub, just in case....
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Contentment
Read Me:
http://pinterest.com/pin/224054150182146373/
A wise woman once told me that "happiness is temporary, but contentment is a state of peace that lasts long-term." At the time, I was too young to really understand what it meant, but it has stuck with me and as I have grown older, it has begun to make sense.
Happiness is defined as "the quality or state of being happy." At any given time, we can be in a state of happiness; but, happiness is often dependent upon other things--a good day at work, a good grade, an accomplishment. At the same time, our unhappiness is also dependent upon other things--a bad day, an argument, a speeding ticket.
Contentment is defined as "the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind." The part "ease of mind" is really the meaning of contentment. It is being ok with life's circumstances, an ability to face the world and know that things will work out the way they are meant to, and having peace of mind. Contentment is something to be worked towards and achieved, and is not dependent upon other things. Contentment does not fluctuate the way that happiness does.
My clients often tell me that they want "their family to be happy." My response is that individual members can be happy at any given time, but that what they are really looking for is contentment--knowing that the family system is going to function properly and not fall apart because of their current crisis. They want to know that they can handle future problems and still remain intact. Happiness among family members does not equal a functional family--contentment and ease of mind that the family will be ok is what does.
Just because I know the difference between the two does not mean that I have reached a point where I am content with my life. In our 20's....is anyone? However, it is something that I am working towards; the end goal. It is hard to have faith that God will lead me to a place of contentment--after all, my life is hectic and the future is blurry. It will happen....eventually.
http://pinterest.com/pin/224054150182146373/
A wise woman once told me that "happiness is temporary, but contentment is a state of peace that lasts long-term." At the time, I was too young to really understand what it meant, but it has stuck with me and as I have grown older, it has begun to make sense.
Happiness is defined as "the quality or state of being happy." At any given time, we can be in a state of happiness; but, happiness is often dependent upon other things--a good day at work, a good grade, an accomplishment. At the same time, our unhappiness is also dependent upon other things--a bad day, an argument, a speeding ticket.
Contentment is defined as "the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind." The part "ease of mind" is really the meaning of contentment. It is being ok with life's circumstances, an ability to face the world and know that things will work out the way they are meant to, and having peace of mind. Contentment is something to be worked towards and achieved, and is not dependent upon other things. Contentment does not fluctuate the way that happiness does.
My clients often tell me that they want "their family to be happy." My response is that individual members can be happy at any given time, but that what they are really looking for is contentment--knowing that the family system is going to function properly and not fall apart because of their current crisis. They want to know that they can handle future problems and still remain intact. Happiness among family members does not equal a functional family--contentment and ease of mind that the family will be ok is what does.
Just because I know the difference between the two does not mean that I have reached a point where I am content with my life. In our 20's....is anyone? However, it is something that I am working towards; the end goal. It is hard to have faith that God will lead me to a place of contentment--after all, my life is hectic and the future is blurry. It will happen....eventually.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
What's In A Name...
Read me:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-redmond-satran/baby-name-rules_b_1456854.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003&ir=HuffPostBlog
Most of yall know how I feel about names, especially common ones and those representative of our birth year (Brittany, Lauren, Emily, Amanda...). My mom swears there were NO Brittanys when she chose the name, however my Kindergarten class had FOUR: Brittany Y, Brittany C, Brittany M, and Brittany D. All spelled the same way. Which is one of the reasons I chose to go by Britt when I moved out here.
I think names should have meaning and substance and history. My first name means "From Britain" (no joke) but my middle name is Carolyn, after my grandmother, which I think is very special. Plus, it isnt common for our generation.
I really like #1, #9, and #19.
#1: No unique spellings. Think of all the ways to spell Brittany: Britney, Brittney, Brittaney, Britni, Brittni, Britnee,Britknee....enough said.
#9: Think about nicknames. I love the name Davidson (my mother's maiden name) but don't like the name David, so unfortunately that is out, unless it is a middle name. We all go by nicknames; some are better than others.
#19: Dont make your child have to spell and pronounce their name every time they say it. When thinking about a name, think about your child on the first day of school. Do you want your child to have to say "It is pronounced Lah-dash-ee-ah" (or whatever) for the next 12 years of school? And then have the teacher write it out on the roll in phonics so she can remember it?? No.
Let me add something to the list. #22: Dont name the child after the place she/he was conceived. It's cliche. London, Paris, Cheyenne, Georgia...just...dont.
So, choose wisely my friends. Checking out the top 20 baby names may not be the way to go, unless, of course, you want to add to the statistics or are really uncreative.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-redmond-satran/baby-name-rules_b_1456854.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003&ir=HuffPostBlog
Most of yall know how I feel about names, especially common ones and those representative of our birth year (Brittany, Lauren, Emily, Amanda...). My mom swears there were NO Brittanys when she chose the name, however my Kindergarten class had FOUR: Brittany Y, Brittany C, Brittany M, and Brittany D. All spelled the same way. Which is one of the reasons I chose to go by Britt when I moved out here.
I think names should have meaning and substance and history. My first name means "From Britain" (no joke) but my middle name is Carolyn, after my grandmother, which I think is very special. Plus, it isnt common for our generation.
I really like #1, #9, and #19.
#1: No unique spellings. Think of all the ways to spell Brittany: Britney, Brittney, Brittaney, Britni, Brittni, Britnee,Britknee....enough said.
#9: Think about nicknames. I love the name Davidson (my mother's maiden name) but don't like the name David, so unfortunately that is out, unless it is a middle name. We all go by nicknames; some are better than others.
#19: Dont make your child have to spell and pronounce their name every time they say it. When thinking about a name, think about your child on the first day of school. Do you want your child to have to say "It is pronounced Lah-dash-ee-ah" (or whatever) for the next 12 years of school? And then have the teacher write it out on the roll in phonics so she can remember it?? No.
Let me add something to the list. #22: Dont name the child after the place she/he was conceived. It's cliche. London, Paris, Cheyenne, Georgia...just...dont.
So, choose wisely my friends. Checking out the top 20 baby names may not be the way to go, unless, of course, you want to add to the statistics or are really uncreative.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
High School Flashback
Today I got to be a guest speaker at the local high school, Poudre High (pronounced Pooooder) in their Sociology of Relationships class. First off, how cool that they offer that class! Second, how cool that I got to be a guest speaker.
I had never been to PHS, so I was a little unsure what to expect. It is a huge school and very nice inside. As soon as I walked through those doors, however, I had an immediate flashback to high school. There were posters on the walls advertising various clubs, teams, and candidates for class elections. Students were standing around in clumps talking. Lockers were banging shut. Students in the attendance office making excuses.
It got me thinking about my time at Walton. I really enjoyed high school--I made great friends that I am still close with 8 (!) years later, got the grades to get into UGA, and generally fared pretty well. I work a lot with high school students and I know that I was probably one of the lucky ones. High school can be brutal. Kids can be so cruel and hurtful and the impact can last a long, long time.
Was I ever cruel and hurtful? Did I say anything to anyone that will last a long, long time? I am sure at one point I did, as did probably most of us, unaware at that age of the power of words. Somewhere in the last 8 years I have become more open-minded and accepting, but before that? Im not sure.
I had never been to PHS, so I was a little unsure what to expect. It is a huge school and very nice inside. As soon as I walked through those doors, however, I had an immediate flashback to high school. There were posters on the walls advertising various clubs, teams, and candidates for class elections. Students were standing around in clumps talking. Lockers were banging shut. Students in the attendance office making excuses.
It got me thinking about my time at Walton. I really enjoyed high school--I made great friends that I am still close with 8 (!) years later, got the grades to get into UGA, and generally fared pretty well. I work a lot with high school students and I know that I was probably one of the lucky ones. High school can be brutal. Kids can be so cruel and hurtful and the impact can last a long, long time.
Was I ever cruel and hurtful? Did I say anything to anyone that will last a long, long time? I am sure at one point I did, as did probably most of us, unaware at that age of the power of words. Somewhere in the last 8 years I have become more open-minded and accepting, but before that? Im not sure.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Realizations
Most of yall know that I have been doing bootcamp (45 minutes of cardio, strength, and resistance torture..I mean...training) 3-4 days a week for the past three months. Recently, on days off, I have been running or walking and mixing in a few random forms of exercise here and there: sand volleyball, capture the flag, and football. I have really upped my working out, but unfortunately havent seen the results I expected or hoped to see at this point.
I guess I need to define "results." I do not want to, and will not ever, be a super skinny girl. I am 100% ok with this. Fortunately or unfortunately, this butt is probably not going anywhere. I do not want to look like a 12-year old boy or a rail-thin celeb, which is good, because it's just not in the cards for me. The result I do want is to be healthy, toned, and comfortable in my body. I also want to be able to wear anything I want and feel good in it.
Though I have been struggling with this for a long time, (think undergrad) I think I am finally realizing that this is going to be a lifelong journey (which scares the hell out of me). I am not going to be the kind of girl who can eat whatever I want and get away with minimal exercise. I am going to have to make a lifestyle change and commitment to being healthy, and as I am beginning to see, it isnt going to be an easy, quick fix. It also isn't going to be perfect all the time. I am going to have days where I dont want to work out, or want to eat a whole pizza, and I will have to learn to be ok with that.
Thank you to all who have listened to me bitch about this and have given me tips on healthier eating, motivation, and exercise. On that note, I am off for a run.
I guess I need to define "results." I do not want to, and will not ever, be a super skinny girl. I am 100% ok with this. Fortunately or unfortunately, this butt is probably not going anywhere. I do not want to look like a 12-year old boy or a rail-thin celeb, which is good, because it's just not in the cards for me. The result I do want is to be healthy, toned, and comfortable in my body. I also want to be able to wear anything I want and feel good in it.
Though I have been struggling with this for a long time, (think undergrad) I think I am finally realizing that this is going to be a lifelong journey (which scares the hell out of me). I am not going to be the kind of girl who can eat whatever I want and get away with minimal exercise. I am going to have to make a lifestyle change and commitment to being healthy, and as I am beginning to see, it isnt going to be an easy, quick fix. It also isn't going to be perfect all the time. I am going to have days where I dont want to work out, or want to eat a whole pizza, and I will have to learn to be ok with that.
Thank you to all who have listened to me bitch about this and have given me tips on healthier eating, motivation, and exercise. On that note, I am off for a run.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
I mean....
Saw this on a friend's facebook--read first.
http://adultingblog.com/post/20260016876
I am definitely guilty sometimes of the "round-about request" or the "subtle, hidden request." I think, like the author, that it stems from growing up in the south, and the (ancient) idea that women should be polite, gentle, and non-invasive. Here is an example:
Me:(I really want Mexican) "Where do you want to go to dinner?"
Friend: "I dont know, what are you in the mood for?"
Me: "Well..."(Mexican)"... anything really...."
Friend: "Like, Italian, Mexican, American?"
Me: (I want Mexican). "I mean, I could definitely go for Mexican, but if you would rather do something else, that's fine, too."
Friend: "Ok, let's do that then."
Me: (YES!) "Are you sure?"
Friend: "Ok, cool."
Me: "Yeah, sounds good."
Why couldn't I have just said, "Im in the mood for Mexican food, want to get that?" instead of this silly conversation?? It is even worse over text messaging. Getting to that conclusion can easily take 10 minutes. Why do we, especially women, think we cant, or shouldn't, say what we mean from the beginning? I know that getting to the point is appreciated by men and women alike, not to mention bosses, coworkers, servers, telemarketing folks, and everyone else we come in contact with. What if we did that when ordering food at a restaurant?
Me: "I was thinking I'd have a chicken caesar salad, please."
Server: "Ok."
Me: "Or...wait. What do you think? Is it good?"
Server: "Yes, it is good."
Me: "Ok, perfect." (pause) "Or, do I really want a burger? I mean, that is what I was kind of leaning towards."
Server: cricket cricket
Me: "No, no. I'll go with the salad. I mean, that is better right? Ok, start with her and then I will be ready."
Come on. Is it too late to make a resolution to try to stop doing this??
http://adultingblog.com/post/20260016876
I am definitely guilty sometimes of the "round-about request" or the "subtle, hidden request." I think, like the author, that it stems from growing up in the south, and the (ancient) idea that women should be polite, gentle, and non-invasive. Here is an example:
Me:(I really want Mexican) "Where do you want to go to dinner?"
Friend: "I dont know, what are you in the mood for?"
Me: "Well..."(Mexican)"... anything really...."
Friend: "Like, Italian, Mexican, American?"
Me: (I want Mexican). "I mean, I could definitely go for Mexican, but if you would rather do something else, that's fine, too."
Friend: "Ok, let's do that then."
Me: (YES!) "Are you sure?"
Friend: "Ok, cool."
Me: "Yeah, sounds good."
Why couldn't I have just said, "Im in the mood for Mexican food, want to get that?" instead of this silly conversation?? It is even worse over text messaging. Getting to that conclusion can easily take 10 minutes. Why do we, especially women, think we cant, or shouldn't, say what we mean from the beginning? I know that getting to the point is appreciated by men and women alike, not to mention bosses, coworkers, servers, telemarketing folks, and everyone else we come in contact with. What if we did that when ordering food at a restaurant?
Me: "I was thinking I'd have a chicken caesar salad, please."
Server: "Ok."
Me: "Or...wait. What do you think? Is it good?"
Server: "Yes, it is good."
Me: "Ok, perfect." (pause) "Or, do I really want a burger? I mean, that is what I was kind of leaning towards."
Server: cricket cricket
Me: "No, no. I'll go with the salad. I mean, that is better right? Ok, start with her and then I will be ready."
Come on. Is it too late to make a resolution to try to stop doing this??
Monday, March 26, 2012
Let's Talk About Sex, Baby....
Read this first:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/planned-parenthood-speaker-good-parents-let-teens-have-sex-at-home
I am sure there are many different opinions on an article like this, and I felt that I needed to share mine. My first thought was "surely this woman did not come and advise all parents to let their teens have sex in their homes...." I get the feeling that this was taken way out of context to sensationalize the story.
I will take a stab at the message I think the speaker was trying to get across: the more parents speak openly about sex and sexuality with their teens, the better off both parties will be. The research on sex education (yes, bear with me....) shows that comprehensive sex education (meaning everything is discussed--anatomy, consequences, contraceptives...) is the most beneficial type, versus abstinance-only sex education or, more commonly, NO sex education. If children are not aware of the consequences and dont learn how to have safe sex, how can we expect them to know any better? Then we can add on top of that the "lure" of something "taboo" to make it all the more appealing.
I think we are all apt to agree the Europe has a more healthy relationship with alcohol because of the very open way in which it is used. Children drink wine for special occasions and learn that it is something to be savored and enjoyed, not abused, from a very early age. Incidentally, their rates of alcoholism are much lower than ours. I think the speaker was trying to say that the same could be applied when it came to sex. The more we talk about it, the better off everyone will be.
Planned Parenthood is not out to corrupt our society and convince everyone that the consequences of unprotected sex are easily reversed. In fact, PP's ultimate goal, as I see it, is the opposite. PP provides contraceptives, sex education, routine check-ups, and, yes, abortions. PP also offers these services for cheap, or free, which targets lower-income girls who have no other options and may not get care otherwise. But, go to most OB/GYNs in the country and you can get all of these things as well...yet these doctors are not getting slammed for "promoting" sex--safe or unsafe.
Like with most social issues, I think it is best we are all informed before we take a side. I dont think this is going to be resolved anytime soon, with the upcoming election and the huge focus on abortion, contraceptives, health care, and so on. Take a side--after all, that is what our country was built on--just make sure you're informed when you do. I think we can all figure out which one I am on.
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/planned-parenthood-speaker-good-parents-let-teens-have-sex-at-home
I am sure there are many different opinions on an article like this, and I felt that I needed to share mine. My first thought was "surely this woman did not come and advise all parents to let their teens have sex in their homes...." I get the feeling that this was taken way out of context to sensationalize the story.
I will take a stab at the message I think the speaker was trying to get across: the more parents speak openly about sex and sexuality with their teens, the better off both parties will be. The research on sex education (yes, bear with me....) shows that comprehensive sex education (meaning everything is discussed--anatomy, consequences, contraceptives...) is the most beneficial type, versus abstinance-only sex education or, more commonly, NO sex education. If children are not aware of the consequences and dont learn how to have safe sex, how can we expect them to know any better? Then we can add on top of that the "lure" of something "taboo" to make it all the more appealing.
I think we are all apt to agree the Europe has a more healthy relationship with alcohol because of the very open way in which it is used. Children drink wine for special occasions and learn that it is something to be savored and enjoyed, not abused, from a very early age. Incidentally, their rates of alcoholism are much lower than ours. I think the speaker was trying to say that the same could be applied when it came to sex. The more we talk about it, the better off everyone will be.
Planned Parenthood is not out to corrupt our society and convince everyone that the consequences of unprotected sex are easily reversed. In fact, PP's ultimate goal, as I see it, is the opposite. PP provides contraceptives, sex education, routine check-ups, and, yes, abortions. PP also offers these services for cheap, or free, which targets lower-income girls who have no other options and may not get care otherwise. But, go to most OB/GYNs in the country and you can get all of these things as well...yet these doctors are not getting slammed for "promoting" sex--safe or unsafe.
Like with most social issues, I think it is best we are all informed before we take a side. I dont think this is going to be resolved anytime soon, with the upcoming election and the huge focus on abortion, contraceptives, health care, and so on. Take a side--after all, that is what our country was built on--just make sure you're informed when you do. I think we can all figure out which one I am on.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Heart Like Mine
Love this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCbTICNAwxM&ob=av2e
Miranda Lambert's "Heart Like Mine"is one of my favorite songs. I love her take on her relationship with Jesus--it is so honest.
It may be weird that I am writing a post about religion. I have definitely gotten away from it since college, but lately I have found myself praying more. I have finally realized that a lot of things in my life are beyond my control, despite my best effort to control them. Maybe my job is the catalyst; it is hard to not count my blessings when I am constantly reminded how blessed I am. Maybe it is maturity. Who knows.
Learning to let go of the things I cant change or control has been a huge challenge for me. I have a hard time letting them go, because it feels like I am giving up or making myself vulnerable to the unknown. Usually, when I am praying, I find myself saying the Serenity Prayer, which is just how I have been feeling lately. I want to trust God with my life, but to be honest, I am scared to turn over the control. One step at a time, I guess.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCbTICNAwxM&ob=av2e
Miranda Lambert's "Heart Like Mine"is one of my favorite songs. I love her take on her relationship with Jesus--it is so honest.
It may be weird that I am writing a post about religion. I have definitely gotten away from it since college, but lately I have found myself praying more. I have finally realized that a lot of things in my life are beyond my control, despite my best effort to control them. Maybe my job is the catalyst; it is hard to not count my blessings when I am constantly reminded how blessed I am. Maybe it is maturity. Who knows.
Learning to let go of the things I cant change or control has been a huge challenge for me. I have a hard time letting them go, because it feels like I am giving up or making myself vulnerable to the unknown. Usually, when I am praying, I find myself saying the Serenity Prayer, which is just how I have been feeling lately. I want to trust God with my life, but to be honest, I am scared to turn over the control. One step at a time, I guess.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
2 Year Anniversary
No, this is not a reference to a long-term relationship, unless you count the super emeshed one I have with my grad school cohort. It is actually in reference to my relationship with Colorado and Fort Collins.
Two years ago, I stepped off a plane, got in a shuttle, and caught my first (yes, very first) glimpse of the snowy Rocky Mountains. It snowed the entire 60 mile ride from Denver to Fort Collins (the day after I got back, Mibbie and I took champagne to Piedmont Park and sat outside in the sun in 65 degree weather...). I feel in love with the town, the college, and the MFT program. And, quickly, I fell in love with my amazing friends out here. It is not a stretch or exaggeration to say that I probably wouldnt have made it this far without them.
This isnt to say I dont miss Georgia. I do. A lot. There are a ton of people and places that I miss every day. I think about my friends and family all the time. I still refer to Georgia as "home," though I have started to catch myself, because Fort Collins is my home now. Moving out here and going to CSU was the best decision I have ever made. There is no greater feeling than feeling like you are where you are meant to be and doing what you are meant to be doing. But, sometimes it doesnt make it any easier to be far away. Sometimes I even feel like I left some strings untied back in Georgia--which is a hard thing for me to come to terms with.
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| MFT Interview Day, Feb 2010; Old Town, Fort Collins |
Two years ago this weekend, I made the scary, exciting decision to pack up and move out West. And, let me tell you, it has been a wild and crazy ride.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
100 Ways to Rock
http://wearethatfamily.com/2012/02/100-ways-to-make-your-marriage-rock/
I saw this link on Facebook and was interested in finding out the "100 ways to make your marriage rock." Obviously, since I am not married, I do not have the personal experience of trying to "make my marriage rock," but, when I read this I couldn't help thinking, "Well, hell...some of these are things you should do in any relationship--friends, parents, significant others, etc." Of course, there are exceptions to this rule-- #26 is not advised for parents or friends (unless it is that kind of friend relationship...which is fine, too). #29, #44, and # 45 you can certainly apply those to all your relationships--intimate or otherwise.
The good news about this list is that they are all do-able. These are the little things that make a relationship rock. Years of research has shown that just 5-15 minutes a day of one-on-one time can make all the difference between a relationship that grows together or grows apart. And, some of the things on this list take all of 30 seconds and can make a huge difference in someone's day.
Another way to look at this is to see the word "rock" as a noun, as in stable, heavy, 'you are my rock' type stuff. I think this list can be interpreted as "100 ways to make a relationship foundation." While rocking (the verb) is great--rocking it in the bedroom, rocking out in the car with girlfriends, or just rocking out to 90's music in the living room during an impromptu dance party--these things wouldn't be there without the relationship/friendship/familial 'rock'.
Plus, isn't an intimate relationship essentially an amazing friendship with some passion thrown in? Isn't a family bond one of the tightest and (hopefully) supportive relationships you can have? And, aren't friendships the relationships that get us through when we need it most? Bibbity Bobbity Boo.*
*Points if you understand this reference. Hint: you have to sing the rest of the song...
I saw this link on Facebook and was interested in finding out the "100 ways to make your marriage rock." Obviously, since I am not married, I do not have the personal experience of trying to "make my marriage rock," but, when I read this I couldn't help thinking, "Well, hell...some of these are things you should do in any relationship--friends, parents, significant others, etc." Of course, there are exceptions to this rule-- #26 is not advised for parents or friends (unless it is that kind of friend relationship...which is fine, too). #29, #44, and # 45 you can certainly apply those to all your relationships--intimate or otherwise.
The good news about this list is that they are all do-able. These are the little things that make a relationship rock. Years of research has shown that just 5-15 minutes a day of one-on-one time can make all the difference between a relationship that grows together or grows apart. And, some of the things on this list take all of 30 seconds and can make a huge difference in someone's day.
Another way to look at this is to see the word "rock" as a noun, as in stable, heavy, 'you are my rock' type stuff. I think this list can be interpreted as "100 ways to make a relationship foundation." While rocking (the verb) is great--rocking it in the bedroom, rocking out in the car with girlfriends, or just rocking out to 90's music in the living room during an impromptu dance party--these things wouldn't be there without the relationship/friendship/familial 'rock'.
Plus, isn't an intimate relationship essentially an amazing friendship with some passion thrown in? Isn't a family bond one of the tightest and (hopefully) supportive relationships you can have? And, aren't friendships the relationships that get us through when we need it most? Bibbity Bobbity Boo.*
*Points if you understand this reference. Hint: you have to sing the rest of the song...
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Intensity
Today I had one of the most intense therapy sessions in the 14 months I have been working with clients.
My client is a 6 year old boy and his mother. His mother just got out of jail and has just come back in his life after being absent for 2.5 years. He has been expelled from school recently for intense anger, threats, and several other poor behavior. In the 6 weeks of working with them, I haven't seen this anger to the extent which I have been told it could be. That changed today.
Today, I was called a "fucking bitch," "asshole," and he told me he would "chop my head off" and "stab my mom in the heart so she dies" because he got angry at us. This went on for about 35-40 minutes before he was able to get control.
Needless to say, I have never been called a "fucking bitch" by a client, and especially not a 6 year old. It is amazing the amount of hurt and pain that this child is feeling and experiencing right now. Unfortunately, a child does not have the verbal or emotional ability to express how he feels when feelings are so intense. He is unable to tell us how he felt abandoned, lost, and afraid he will be left again--the best way he knows how is to say and do things in an attempt to make us feel the same rage he is feeling.
Chances are I will lie away tonight thinking and replaying this session in my head. This is the hard, and heartbreaking, part of my job.
My client is a 6 year old boy and his mother. His mother just got out of jail and has just come back in his life after being absent for 2.5 years. He has been expelled from school recently for intense anger, threats, and several other poor behavior. In the 6 weeks of working with them, I haven't seen this anger to the extent which I have been told it could be. That changed today.
Today, I was called a "fucking bitch," "asshole," and he told me he would "chop my head off" and "stab my mom in the heart so she dies" because he got angry at us. This went on for about 35-40 minutes before he was able to get control.
Needless to say, I have never been called a "fucking bitch" by a client, and especially not a 6 year old. It is amazing the amount of hurt and pain that this child is feeling and experiencing right now. Unfortunately, a child does not have the verbal or emotional ability to express how he feels when feelings are so intense. He is unable to tell us how he felt abandoned, lost, and afraid he will be left again--the best way he knows how is to say and do things in an attempt to make us feel the same rage he is feeling.
Chances are I will lie away tonight thinking and replaying this session in my head. This is the hard, and heartbreaking, part of my job.
Friday, February 3, 2012
How to Choose Your SEC Team
http://www.redcuprebellion.com/2012/1/9/2690793/how-to-choose-your-sec-school-a-primer-for-disinterested-fans
LOVE THIS. Very stereotypical, and (obviously) I am not a disinterested fan, but very funny nonetheless.
Check it out.
*Thank you Emily Dziedzic for finding this!
LOVE THIS. Very stereotypical, and (obviously) I am not a disinterested fan, but very funny nonetheless.
Check it out.
*Thank you Emily Dziedzic for finding this!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
What War Are You Fighting? (Not in a Political Sense)
"Have compassion for everyone you meet, even if they don't want it. What appears ill-mannered, bad-tempered, or cynicism is always a sign of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen. You do not know what wars are being fought down where the skin meets the bone."*
~Miller Williams
I love this idea, possibly because I see it all the time when I do therapy, or possibly because I have a hard time remembering this until it hits me in the face. A single glance is not a glimpse into someone's soul. We get a glimpse only when we take the time to listen and be present. What appears to be perfect is often not, but sometimes, what appears to be imperfect from the outside may not be so bad; you never know.
I hope this inspires us to feel compassion for those we don't know. After all, what war are YOU fighting?
*Thank you to Maggie VanDenBerg for this quote!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
State of the Union
So, yes, we all know the State of the Union was on tonight, and it seems like a lot of people watched it and have opinions on the state of our union, as luckily, we are all allowed to express. Facebook statuses and twitter updates are going like crazy.
I will admit that I am not someone who follows politics very closely. There are many social issues that I feel strongly about (I am strongly pro-choice and strongly believe in marriage equality), but I am not very knowledgeable about the financial aspects of politics.
That being said, I see these statuses and updates a little bit like I see Monday morning quarterbacking. It is SO easy for us to make suggestions or inferences or criticisms about the policies, bills, suggested changes, whatever that have been mentioned, but let's be real--we don't know what is really going on. I, and I am sure many others, could never be paid enough to be president. NO THANK YOU. Who the HELL would ever want to take on the struggles of our country? Well, only 44 people have taken on this esteemed position. I think, above all, we should recognize the tough job our president has and respect him (or, someday, her) regardless of our personal political affiliations and keep our criticism to a minimum. After all, most of us are not in politics.
I will admit that I am not someone who follows politics very closely. There are many social issues that I feel strongly about (I am strongly pro-choice and strongly believe in marriage equality), but I am not very knowledgeable about the financial aspects of politics.
That being said, I see these statuses and updates a little bit like I see Monday morning quarterbacking. It is SO easy for us to make suggestions or inferences or criticisms about the policies, bills, suggested changes, whatever that have been mentioned, but let's be real--we don't know what is really going on. I, and I am sure many others, could never be paid enough to be president. NO THANK YOU. Who the HELL would ever want to take on the struggles of our country? Well, only 44 people have taken on this esteemed position. I think, above all, we should recognize the tough job our president has and respect him (or, someday, her) regardless of our personal political affiliations and keep our criticism to a minimum. After all, most of us are not in politics.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Second-time Mistakes
"You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice."
Saw this on Twitter and it spoke to me. Often times I have made the same "mistakes" more than once. Some, or maybe most, I don't consider mistakes, but more of learning experiences. I am guilty, though, of trying the same things a few times and expecting different results. This most often times, for me, happens with relationships. I seem to think the same thing might go over better in this new attempt at a relationship (friends, significant others, etc). Or possibly during a therapy session. Or in a class. I doubt I am the only one who has dealt with this.
Is it a choice though? I tend to think it might be habit. I tend to get in a pattern of the same things but expecting different results. How do I break it? I think the answer is a lot of personal reflection. It is time I ask myself the same thing I ask many of my clients: "Is this pattern working? If I did something different, what would the outcome be? What is one small change I can make to ensure (or hope for) a different outcome?"
Slowly but surely the changes are being made. I am making changes to myself, first and foremost-- something I have tried periodically in the past, and, ironically, has worked. This is one choice I have made that has positive outcomes.
Saw this on Twitter and it spoke to me. Often times I have made the same "mistakes" more than once. Some, or maybe most, I don't consider mistakes, but more of learning experiences. I am guilty, though, of trying the same things a few times and expecting different results. This most often times, for me, happens with relationships. I seem to think the same thing might go over better in this new attempt at a relationship (friends, significant others, etc). Or possibly during a therapy session. Or in a class. I doubt I am the only one who has dealt with this.
Is it a choice though? I tend to think it might be habit. I tend to get in a pattern of the same things but expecting different results. How do I break it? I think the answer is a lot of personal reflection. It is time I ask myself the same thing I ask many of my clients: "Is this pattern working? If I did something different, what would the outcome be? What is one small change I can make to ensure (or hope for) a different outcome?"
Slowly but surely the changes are being made. I am making changes to myself, first and foremost-- something I have tried periodically in the past, and, ironically, has worked. This is one choice I have made that has positive outcomes.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Recent Pictures
I've been trying to learn to use my new camera--trying out settings, modes, flash, no flash....
Here are a few of the pics I have taken lately:
Here are a few of the pics I have taken lately:
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| Close-up of flowers |
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| Planter |
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| Award-winning wine at Montaluce Winery, Dahlonega, GA |
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| daisy |
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| gazebo in the setting sun |
Monday, January 9, 2012
Things to Know at 25
11. Don’t Get Stuck
This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find God and themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.
Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.
Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living?"
Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love and think life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned.
Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.
Saved the best entry for last. Wow. I love the line that there is a time for wildness (college, anyone?) and a time for settledness (ha) and that now, for many of us, is neither. This is a time for becoming. Well said. Though moving out here was hard, it has been a huge opportunity for me to change, find out who I am, and what I want out of life. Not to mention, if you want a grand adventure, this is definitely the right place to be.
I sometimes find myself getting stuck in the past or trying to look forward to the future. Although there is a lot to be said for learning from your past and planning for the future, being present--truly present--can be hard. I'm trying to use my mid-twenties to learn to enjoy the here-and-now.
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| A very easy place to be present and feel in the moment Rocky Mountain National Park |
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Things to Know at 25
7. Feed Yourself and the People You Love
If you can master these things, you’re off to a really great start: eggs, soup, a fantastic sandwich or burger, guacamole and some killer cookies.
The act of feeding oneself is a skill every person can benefit from, and some of the most sacred moments in life happen when we gather around the table. The time we spend around the table, sharing meals and sharing stories, is significant, transforming time.
Learn to cook. Invite new and old friends to dinner. Practice hospitality and generosity. No one cares if they have to sit on lawn furniture, bring their own forks or drink out of a Mayor McCheese glass from 1982. What people want is to be heard and fed and nourished, physically and otherwise—to stop for just a little bit and have someone look them in the eye and listen to their stories and dreams. Make time for the table, and you’ll find it to be more than worth it every time.
I want to do way more of this. Cooking for one person sucks--I cant eat lasagna for 4 days straight. But I LOVE to cook and bake and share it with other people. I love the nights when the girls get together and cook, drink wine, and just sit around and talk. I have always loved hosting things, too, and will celebrate just about anything (Boxing Day, anyone?). My small apartment (and even smaller kitchen) doesn't exactly make for ideal hosting conditions, but move the coffee table, roll up the carpet, and push back the chairs, and we can fit at least 20 people in here. And we have. And it was awesome.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Things to Know at 25
6. Seek Out a Mentor
One of the most valuable relationships you can cultivate in your 20s is a mentoring relationship with someone who’s a little older, a little wiser, someone who can be a listening ear and sounding board during a high change season.
This has been valuable beyond words for me. Every (almost) faculty member in my program is encouraging, supportive, and generally kind. Not to mention brilliantly smart. I am SO fortunate to have the learning experience I do and I know I will leave CSU with the best education I could get. One person in particular, though, has made a huge impact on my personal and professional development. She is one of the most compassionate and smart women I know; and she almost wasn't here. See, she almost died (THREE times) about a year before I came to CSU. Heart failure, pneumonia, and a host of other things almost took her from me. Yes, it is selfish, but I have learned more from her than anyone else.
When I hear her story, I think about how different my life would be without her. I think about how much I have learned from her, and how much I have yet to learn. She is my encourager, my challenger, and my biggest supporter. To be sappy, I am so lucky to have her as a professor and supervisor. This blog does nothing close to expressing my gratitude, my love, and my respect for her. I hope it encourages you to find a mentor who does the same thing for you that mine has done for me.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
2012 Resolutions
I am taking a break from the "things to know at 25" to give my thoughts on New Years Resolutions. I, like many people, make these resolutions. I get wrapped up in the "new year, new you!" mentality, and most of mine center around things I WON'T do:
"I won't drink anymore Diet Coke."
Or, things I HAVE TO do:
"I have to work out at least 4 times a week, for an hour each."
But I was thinking, and these things generally set me up for failure. Not because they are particularly lofty goals, but because, hell, I LIKE Diet Coke. And, between school and therapy, I don't always have the time to go to the gym or go for a run. So I have decided to make 2012 all about me and becoming who I want to be. I haven't made a mile-long list of things I am going to do; there aren't things I HAVE to do or SHOULD do or CANT do. Just some things I can try to do to ensure that I am my best self.
Saw this on FB and really like it:
"Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride..."
THIS is what I am doing for 2012.
"I won't drink anymore Diet Coke."
Or, things I HAVE TO do:
"I have to work out at least 4 times a week, for an hour each."
But I was thinking, and these things generally set me up for failure. Not because they are particularly lofty goals, but because, hell, I LIKE Diet Coke. And, between school and therapy, I don't always have the time to go to the gym or go for a run. So I have decided to make 2012 all about me and becoming who I want to be. I haven't made a mile-long list of things I am going to do; there aren't things I HAVE to do or SHOULD do or CANT do. Just some things I can try to do to ensure that I am my best self.
Saw this on FB and really like it:
"Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride..."
THIS is what I am doing for 2012.
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