Things to Know at 25

Installment #3 of things we need to know at 25.

3. Don’t Rush Dating and Marriage

Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from a dating relationship that’s good but not great. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you’ll make during this time will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.

“Who are you dating?” “Do you think he’s the one?” “Have you looked at rings?” It’s easy to be seduced by the romance-dating-marriage narrative. We confer a lot of status and respect on people who are getting married—we buy them presents and consider them as more adult and more responsible.But there’s nothing inherently more responsible or more admirable about being married. 

Some people view marriage as the next step to happiness or grown-up life or some kind of legitimacy, and in their mad desire to be married, they overlook significant issues in the relationship.

Ask your friends, family members and mentors what they think of the person you’re dating and your relationship. Go through premarital counseling before you are engaged, because, really, engagement is largely about wedding planning, and it’s tough to see the flaws in a relationship clearly when you’re wearing a diamond and you have a deposit on an event space.Time is on your side. Really, it is.

I think this one is super important. I love the part about "serious" dating and its two meanings--entering the final stage of commitment (marriage) or walking away. I am so happy for my friends who have found "the one," and, eventually, that is what I want as well.  After all, I am a firm believer that a satisfying relationship is one of the most gratifying accomplishments there is (hence my profession...). On the other hand, I am a firm believer that both partners should be happy and committed in a relationship, and if not, the relationship, well...isn't one. Walking away can be the hardest thing.

At this point in our lives, we have time to make sure and check off the things on our "must-have" list for partners. We also have time to be picky, and not settle for the person who only have half of our "must-haves." Let's get real--at this point in our lives, marriage doesn't make us any more grown up than having a job or mortgage.  That is what our 30's are for.